‘Tis the season to be an ally
A guide for those looking to be an effective supporter to LGBTQ+ loved ones during the holidays.
Written by Sam Barney-Gibbs, Edited by Lauren J. Mapp
Allyship with the LGBTQ+ community is a year-round commitment, but when it comes to the holiday season, some extra support from friends, families and community members can help make this time more comfortable and affirming.
As queer and gender-diverse people struggle to find community and act in a way that is true to their identities this holiday season, here’s what allies can do to lift them up.
Check in
A good first step can be to simply check in with the LGBTQ+ folks in your life by asking how they would like to be supported.
Gabrielle Garcia from Lambda Archives of San Diego said it’s crucial to gauge whether people want to be out to friends or family members they may only see during the holidays. This includes pronoun-usage, talking about their partners or even steeringing the conversation away from subjects that feel inappropriate or uncomfortable.
“Being willing to step in for that person can be really helpful and can take some of the pressure off of the queer or trans person to always have to respond every single time,” Garcia said.
Do some research
Garcia highlighted the abundance of resources that local and national organizations provide specifically to help allies engage with LGBTQ+ individuals. They said these can be “nice primers” to help understand and implement strategies to step in — or even take a step back.
“If you hear somebody misgendering your friend, stick up for them,” said Myshell Thomas, the coordinator for the Gender Advocacy Project at the North County LGBTQ Center. “It takes a long time to get to that point where you feel confident enough in yourself to be able to correct people.”
Some of Daylight’s favorite sources for this topic are from:
- The San Diego LGBT Community Center
- The Trevor Project, Matthew Shepard Foundation
- PFLAG
- Human Rights Campaign
- Workplace Equality Program
Use your knowledge
Brin Balboa, a San Diegan who identifies as non-binary, said many people have a grasp on what is appropriate and helpful for the people in their circles, and it’s OK to take action in other spaces rather than waiting for LGBTQ+ folks to tell allies what to do.
“People always ask me, ‘What can I do?’” Balboa said. “Instead of asking, maybe just be more proactive.”
Though they understand it can be intimidating and scary for allies to stand up for LGBTQ+ people in the moment or commit to larger community organizing, it’s not an overstep — these actions help folks see solidarity and a genuine effort over complacency.
Some of these actions can include supporting local or smaller LGBTQ+ businesses, educating others on inclusive language and behaviors, making spaces for affirming religious practices and creating a home that is comfortable for people and their partners, according to Rachel Covello from OutCoast.
This can include opening one’s home to LGBTQ+ folks who aren’t spending the holidays with family or friends and might be looking for a place to celebrate their faith, their love and the general holiday season.
If you or loved ones are in need of urgent support this holiday season, here are organizations providing round-the-clock virtual crisis care:
